The Baka Effect
by Miniryu
Summary: [1x2+1] [Fluffy humor, silly shounen-ai antics] Heero: "Bakas; such dangerous, mooching creatures... How do they manipulate people, and why? To further enhance your knowledge of the baka and its species, I will narrate the following video I have entitled,


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~-=-*-=-**The Baka Effect**~-=-*-=-~

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By Mini,

For Mikata as an *extremely* late B-day gift...

Mika-- the original fic is still not finished, and my scanner schtuff ain't working...

I'm hoping you will take this instead and not kill me... *_*;;

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Category: Semi-WAFF... Sorta fluffy, cutesy, off-beat semi-satirical comedy. Too much ketchup, not enough Chinese fooooood. ^^;

Rating: PG-ish [Swearing, a bit of kink...]

Pairings: 1x2+1, suggested 3+4 and Kx5

Other Schtuff: ^^;; SDDI might kill me for this... Duo does some pretty stupid stuff. But hey!! It's for the love of comedy!! ^^~! Don't hit poor Mini!

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Baka.

He's *sniffing* me in strange places again.

I raise my eyebrow and prepare to back-fist him when he begins to gnaw on my arm.

"I'm hungry!"

Ah, it speaks.

"Baka," I say to him, and shoo him away. He frowns and looks up at me with his large eyes. ...It's quite disturbing to say the least, seeing as how I find it humanly impossible to have pupils the size of headlights.

"But I'm hungry...!" he whines, sniffing and blinking the spherical saucers in his face.

Not good.

You see, you must teach the baka to live on its own, or it will become a sort of parasitic beast that calls on its host, like it is doing now. I've learned the hard way.

Avoid the dangerous baka during breakfast time. This is how it kept me making forty-three skillets full of chocolate peanut butter chip pancakes six days in a row. I can remember it well.

To further enhance your knowledge of the baka and its species, I will narrate the following video I have entitled, "The Baka Effect".

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It was a rainy morning, and the baka was restless, but most of all, hungry.

"Hee-chan!! I'm *hungry*!!"

As you might have guessed, the baka briefly warns the host before attacking, then dives in for the kill while the host life is still confused.

"Make me something to eat, pleeeease??"

Warning lights. Someway, somehow, the baka has captured its victim, and I was being forced to live with the mooching, freeloading, overly kinky and bored organism whom the other pilots refer to as 'Duo'. The Duo is often life-threatening [to the Duo itself] and can cause various twitching of muscles such as arms, legs, and often th... 

[Mini raises eyebrow o.O?]

Ahem.

Yes. Food and sex are the same in the eyes of the baka. It asks for it fast, make loud noises in the process, and at the end, all it does is say it was good and ask for more.

"Pleeeease, Hee-chan? I wuv you..."

God dammit... It's the baka's alarm going off... It's about to launch its strongest attack. As he starts faking crying, I begin to feel sorry for the poor moocher.

"Fine. I'll make you something to eat," I grumble, and shut down my laptop.

"Oh, Hee-chan!!" it giggles, leeching onto me and constricting, "I love you!"

"Hn," I grunt, and proceed to drag the carcass attached to me into the kitchen. It promptly dismounts and fetches the pancake mix for me, as well as the other ingredients. It was probably better I do it anyway. The baka might set its hair on fire again.

"And don't burn 'em!! I like 'em crunchy and crispy but soft inside so the chocolate chips don't melt and the peanut butter gets creamy and don't--"

"I KNOW," I growl, but the baka continues to list all of its preferences consecutively and in an irrational manner anyway. I proceed to ignore the baka, and hope it leaves so I can do its bidding and get it over with. Instead, the only footsteps are that of Quatre and Trowa. 

Yes, this baka is quite the colony creature.

"Hello, Friend Duo!" Quatre chirps. Trowa just stands there and stares at Quatre's butt. It's a good thing that Wufei is still on that cruise with his kleenex box [which the kleenex box paid for].

"Hi, guys!!!" the baka greets its pack, and immediately notifies them of its advantage. "Heero's making breakfast for me!!! Want some??"

"Really?" Quatre asks, smiling, "That would be delightful."

"Hee-chan!!! Quatre and Trowa're hungry too!! You gotta feed them, too!!!" the baka says, informing me of my predicament. Before long, I've made forty-three skillets of pancakes for the baka and his pack, the first of which is appearing to be licking the skillet...

"Ow!!" the baka whines. His pack has already left, so it leaves us alone.

"Baka," I address him, "Never lick a burning-hot skillet."

"Heeeeee~e-chan!!" the baka accuses in between sniffs, "You don't love me anymore!!!" His eyes begin to well up with tears, and enlarge greatly in size.

"Baka," I say again, when he begins to hiccup, and pull him close, for better or worse, and comfort him. He makes a strange noise and starts to suck my face off. When he's satisfied with his work, he sniffs and speaks.

"I wuv you, Hee-chan..."

For the love of the baka, I helplessly allow myself to be constricted in his clutches, and whisper back, "I love you, too, baka."

He leans closer and tells me to close my eyes. I do so, and promptly get bitten on the nose before the baka begins its call of cackling and runs off.

I growl and sigh to myself. That's my baka. I can't help but love him.

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Now do you understand my situation? Hopefully, you will become wise in the ways of the baka and--

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-CHAN!!!!!"

Dammit.

"Hee-chan, I'm HUNGRY!! Don't just SIT there! ...Don't you love me??"

Poor moocher.

"Yes, baka, more than you know," I grumble, and use the preferable method to shut him up. When we part, he smiles and pats me on the head.

"Good Hee-pet."

I feel dirty.

"Now, how about making me some French toast? Don't over do it, I don't like 'em burnt, and try to get 'em juuust as the sugar carmelizes into candy. You know, crunchy and crispy and..."

I begin growling again and follow him into the kitchen.

For the love of the baka... It must be the baka effect...

~Owari~

Mini here! ^_^ If you liked this fic, let me know! I thrive on feedback! Luv yas!

~Miniryu~


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